"Wild breads part one" how to make great tasting and nutritious breads from the edible plants in your backyard.

I’ve been planning to write this tutorial in the late summer, just before acorns start to fall.  However, I changed my mind after being forced to eat a ham sandwich between two slices of a white, tasteless foamy substance that stuck so tightly to the roof of my mouth that I was forced to remove it with my fingernail.  Most Americans somewhat naively refer to this as bread?  Then, I watched a “survival” show where a skinny man with a funny name and a British accent walked through a deciduous forest eating bugs and drinking urine to sustain him, as he literally trod upon all the ingredients needed for a freaking cake!  After an angry rant about pee drinking numbskulls and packing foam masquerading as food that caused everyone in the room to think I was nutty as a squirrel turd and possibly a danger to myself, and the American way of life, I decided to go ahead and post this.

Remember, it is up to you to properly identify the plant in question. I have chosen what I think are easy plants that most everyone should know.  I cannot and will not identify it for you in this blog.  I will help you along on this, but the job of being sure you got the right plant rest squarely on your shoulders.

Acorn Flour

 Acorns have a lot of protein, carbohydrates and fats, not to mention minerals such as calcium, potassium, phosphorus and iron. Plus a few vitamins, niacin being the only one I can remember at the moment. (Ever been hit in the head?  I have.  It hurts, and if you do it enough, it plays with your memory.)  To make a long story short, a handful of acorns have roughly the nutritional equivalent of a pound of ground beef.  They have been the main dietary staple of countless cultures around the world. One mature oak tree can produce almost 1,000 pounds of acorns in a single year.  Paleolithic tribes would even go to war over the best stands of oak trees.  Top that off with the fact that when they are properly prepared, they taste good.  It makes me wonder why so many have forgotten them as a source of food.

Acorns, as they fall from the tree, taste bitter.  This is because they are high in tannins.  These must be leached out in water, but I’ll explain more about that later.

Grabbing some…. I mean gathering your…. nuts…err…acorns, yeah gathering acorns .  Acorns fall from the trees in the fall. (Woo hoo!  We’re learning, huh?  Don’t be scared.  We’ll do it together.)  The exact time depends on the type of oak, weather, and location.  I suggest gathering acorns in the morning as soon as you can and gathering every day.  If you leave them, something else will eat them.  But don’t worry about starving the poor, fuzzy, cute things they will get theirs, trust me.   The  acorns you pick up will be green,  green and tan, or brown. The green ones have just fallen from the tree and aren't ripe yet.  Pick them up too, as they will ripen to a dark brown in a couple of days.  As you are gathering acorns, throw out any acorns that have any holes, cracks or signs of mold. (I also suggest hopping around erratically until you find an acorn, then holding it up to your face while looking around to see if anyone is trying to steal it.  Its good exercise, promotes situational awareness, and seems to work for the squirrels).

Extracting the… uh… acorn… meat.  Take the ripe acorns (the dark brown ones) remove the caps, then crack the shells to remove the meat.  I usually use a nutcracker, but a hammer works fine (as long as you remember it’s an acorn and not that jock or cheerleader that made every day of high school for you a descent in to hell….. it’s just an acorn….. and it’s time to heal).  If you don’t own a nutcracker or a hammer, or just feel the need to go caveman.  You can use a rock, but choose your rock well and go easy there, Grog.  It can make your flour gritty.

 Acorns contain tannins (tannic acid).  This gives them a bitter taste and if you ingest too much of it, can make you sick.  The Native Americans leached acorns by putting them in a sack and placing the sack in flowing water for a few days.  Thank God, there is a quicker way, two of them to my knowledge.  The first is to take the acorn meats and put them in a pot of boiling water for a few minutes until the water is dark brown.  Then, strain out the meats and repeat the process until the acorns have a sweet nutty flavor.  It is important to remember that the water must always be boiling before you put the acorns in.  Putting acorns in cold water seems to lock the tannins in.  The second way is to grind the acorn meat, then place the ground meats in to a colander or sieve and stir them under hot water from a faucet until they have a sweet nutty flavor.  Remember that different types of acorns have different levels of tannins.  White oaks have little and usually only require one boiling, whereas red oaks usually take four.  Leach them to suit your taste, but even if you don’t think they need it, all acorns should be leached at least once.

Drying and grinding your….acorn… meats.  With your acorns leached, dry them out as much as you can with towels.  Then spread them out thinly, but evenly, on a pan. You can place the pan in the sun to dry or bake them in an oven until, you guessed it, dry. Once your acorns are dry, grind them in to a flour.  I use a mortar and pestle, but if you can afford some overpriced kitchen contraption that does the same thing, good for you.

Ta daaa! Acorn flour is very heavy, so for most breads and cakes you will likely want to mix it with a lighter flour such as cattail flour. (Yep, that’s right.  We are making that too.  Aren’t we industrious little bipeds?)  It is also one of the best pork breadings I have ever used.

 

Cattail Flour

Cattails, aka the super WalMart of the swamp,  produce eight different food products. They have countless functional uses and half a dozen medicinal uses.  Seriously, if you kill a roll of duct tape, it comes back as a cattail.  Furthermore, cattails produce more food per acre than any other plant, excluding algae and lichens.  The roots alone can produce 32 tons of finished flour.

Perhaps one day I will devote post to cattails. However, in this post I just don’t have the time. So we will just be dealing with the roots, which are available year round.

 

Cattails do have a few look-alikes.  One of them is poisonous.  Fortunately, none of these have the hotdog -like seed head.  However, as I said, it is up to you to make the proper identification.  Also, because cattails grow in water, toxins in the water collect and concentrate in the plant.  So be sure to harvest cattails from a clean source, preferably in moving water, and certainly away from cities, towns and road sides (unless you want your flour to taste like condoms, cigarette butts, and french fry packets….. and kill you).  You know what?  Just avoid harvesting near people.  People carry diseases,  litter the ground with refuse and chemicals, all while trying to tell you about this “great new reality show” that you simply have to watch.

Once you find a suitable stand of cattails, well, it’s time to wade out in to the water and pull some up. But you can’t just grab the stalk and pull.  If you do, it will break off and you will fall over backwards into the water.  Trust me on this.  Then you will stand up soaking wet and look around to see if any one saw you.  (See, harvesting away from people has other benefits.)  Run your hand down the stalk and into the mud until you feel the roots running horizontally away from the plant.  This is where you pull.  Once you pull the roots up, cut off the stalk if it came with it.

Clean the roots off in the sink, then peel them with a sharp knife or a potato peeler.  Break and crush the roots in a bowl of water.  The starch, soon to be flour, will break up and fall away from the fibrous strands.  Continue this process until the starch has been removed from strands.  Remove the strands and let the bowl sit for a few hours, until the starch settles at the bottom.  Pour off the water and spread the starch out on a pan to dry.  You can let it dry in the sun, but I always dry mine in the oven. Once dry, grind it into a powder.

Warning this flour does contain some gluten.

Now for cattail flour recipe number two.  In the summer, the male pollen head produces an abundance of yellow pollen the constancy of powdered chalk.  Bend the pollen heads over a bucket and shake.  It’s quite easy to collect a pound or two of pollen in an hour, and there you go.  No cutting, no boiling, no nothing.  You have cattail flour.  It has a sweet, corn-like taste, but distinct from corn.

 

Acorn Cattail Sweet Bread

 2 cups of acorn flour

2 cups of cattail flour (you can use wheat flour if you don’t have cattail, or if you hate anything that taste like anything, use white flour)

 3 teaspoons of baking powder

1/3 cup of honey, sugar, or maple syrup

1 egg

1/2 of cup milk

3 tablespoons of acorn oil or olive oil (any oil should do)

 Bake at 375 degrees for about 45 minutes (Even better, bake until done.)

Well, this is enough to get you started.  There are countless other edible plants out there that can be used to create delicious, wholesome breads.  But we’ll talk about them in part two: Revenge of the Wild Breads.  But until then, I’m going to go make a decent ham sandwich.

How to make a survival knife from an old file

A survival knife that can cut a gouge out of other “survival knives”.  How you can make one.

 

Holy second mortgage, Batman!  Have you seen the price of a decent knife?   If you have, you were no doubt as dumbfounded as I was.  Also, it seems that in this age survival this and tactical everything (seriously you can buy tactical t-shirts….. do they even do anything?) people have forgotten what makes a good knife…. a good knife.

If you just want to learn how to make the knife, feel free to skip the following paragraph. 

 A knife is a tool, not a fashion accessory.  All these whirly barbs and flowing spikes are just that, fashion accessories designed to attract adolescent boys from the ages of 5 to about 50.  (Guys, it’s a knife not growth hormones for your penis… it’s going to stay that size forever….. I’m sorry).  Moreover, these Rambo spikes get in the way of any real work.  A knife is also not a flashlight, nor is it a cell phone.  I have a flashlight and a cell phone, and they will be safely out of the way while I use my knife to cut, slash, stab, pry, or chop whatever the job requires, thus preserved until such time as I need them.  Don’t get me wrong.  A good multi-tool is a must.  I carry one everywhere I go.  But for those jobs that require a fixed blade knife, I need a good knife, not a techno-trinket.  The two stupidest features ever to grace a “survival knife” are: 1) the “tactical impact device”.  (Ok guys, love the name, but it’s a butt spike.  That’s all it is.  Just call it a butt spike.)  What this means is that if I need to grab the back of my knife for leverage, control, or to push the blade into something, I can’t.  At least, not without hurting myself.  (Wait, my logic is tingling.  If I needed to use the “tactical impact device” on my knife to defend myself, wouldn’t logic dictate I would … I don’t know, stab them with the knife it’s attached to instead?) But that’s not even the worst knife accessory.  That honor goes to the knives with the: 2) “storage compartment” handle.  First off, the handle.  These are of the poorest ergonomic shape possible, and offer so little “storage” that you’ll be hard pressed to find anything to fit in it.  But these troubles really matter little, seeing as a hollow handle means that the knife has no tang (the piece of blade that extends into the handle) and thus will break almost immediately upon all but the lightest use.

Now, to make the knife.

First, you are going to need is an old file, preferably one that is worn out but of good quality, not to much rust and was, at one point, a good file.  Cheap files are often simply casehardened steel.  The steel on the outsides of the file are hard but the inner portions of the steel are soft. These are better than nothing, but not awesome by any stretch.  The better the file, the better the knife.

As it is now, your file is too hard to be worked.  Don’t try.  You’ll ruin your tools.  It needs to be softened first.  This called annealing.  To do this, you will need to heat the metal until it glows a yellow-orange color, then allow it to cool slowly.  You can do this with a torch, kiln, or forge.  I’ve even been told you can, with some time and effort, use a gas or electric cook top by placing the file directly on it moving it periodically to keep the heat even.  But you could do it the easy way.  Build a fire pit and get the fire good and hot, then place the file in the hot coals.  Then roast hotdogs, make smores and have a grand time with your friends and family… unless you don’t like your friends and family.  If that’s the case, get drunk stare in to the flames and contemplate your life.  Come back tomorrow morning, after the fire has burned out and the ashes cooled (and you are no longer drunk and sobbing), to retrieve your now annealed file.

 

With your file now soft enough to be worked, use a hacksaw to cut the rough shape of the knife you want out of the file.  But first, I suggest you really think about what you need in a knife.  What will you be using it for?  Which will you spend more time doing, chopping tree limbs or cutting string?  Maybe you are a hunter and need a more rounded tip for skinning game.  Or maybe you are a ninja and need a pointy stabby tip to assassinate sleeping samurai.  The point is, now is the time to decide what you need and want in a knife.  Now is the time to make it your own.

Rat tail tangs are the most common type of tang.  They are not as strong as a full tang, but are easier and allow you to make your blade longer.

Full tangs are the strongest type of tang.  Also, these tend to have the best balance.  But it means your blade must be shorter if you are using a file, and they are a bit of a pain in the ass to make.

Tanto tips look like the tip of a katana (samurai sword) and are by far the easiest to make, as once you make your rough cut you don’t need to shape it with a file.  (Also according to some, because it looks like “a ninja sword” it must cut like one and will therefore cut through the engine of an old Chevy truck without losing its edge.  But don’t get me started on the “ninja sword” fan boys.)

Drop point tips are where the edge curves gently up to meet the tip.  One of the oldest tip styles, the curved edge is great for skinning and other delicate tasks while still offering a nice sharp point.  It’s harder to make, but in my opinion, well worth it.

Other tips, whatever you want to do, do it.  Just don’t complain to me if your knife ends up sucking because of it.

Once you have the rough shape cut out, use a file, stone, or grinder to remove the file grooves.  Then file the knife into the desired final shape.  If you need to drill any holes, now is the time to do it.

Ah, and now for the part the sucks, grinding your edge.  If you have a powered grinder, it won’t be so bad.  If you don’t, well, you know what they say no pain no …. aw screw it.  I’ll finish it tomorrow.  Believe me, I have made knives like this with a wet stone and it’s still worth it.

Holding the file at about a 15 degree angle, start putting an edge on your knife.  I find it works best to work a little on one side, then flip it over and work on the other.  That way you meet in the middle, whereas if you work on one side more than the other, the edge ends up being off center.  But remember, you are just building an edge, not sharpening, so the minute you meet in the middle, stop.  It’s too soft to sharpen right now.  We’ll do that later.

Now, time to harden your knife.  You can rebuild your fire for this one, but I suggest burning oak and or charcoal as this fire needs to be hot as hell.  Lay your knife in the coals and heat it up to a nice bright yellow-orange.  Once it reaches that color, use tongs and gloves to pull the blade from the fire and check it with a magnet.  If the magnet sticks, it’s not hot enough.  If it doesn’t, quickly but evenly dip the knife into a bucket of used motor oil and let it cool.  Once it has cooled enough that the metal is black (and not flaming), you can drop it into the oil to cool the rest of the way. Be sure to use a metal bucket for your oil.

If you have trouble getting the knife hot enough, bury a steel pipe under the coals, hook an inflatable mattress pump to the other end and pump air through the pipe.  Also, you might need to hill dirt up around your fire.  Laying a sheet of metal over the coals helps keep the heat in, but don’t cover it completely.

With your knife now hardened, use a fine grit metal sandpaper to clean and smooth out your knife.  Get it all polished and pretty.  Remember, chicks hate an ugly knife.  Once that is done, use the sharpener of your choice and, you guessed it, sharpen your knife.

Tempering “YEAH YEAH COOL COOL FIRE FIRE FIRE HA HA HA HA HA!  You can use a butane lighter, but a torch works better.  Heat along the back of the knife, moving the flame often to heat the metal evenly. Heat the knife to a dull straw color, then allow to cool.

Time to put a handle on your knife.  You can use any wood, antler, bone, plastic whatever you want.

For a rat tail tang drill a hole a little deeper than the length of your tang and a little smaller than the width in your handle.  Drive the handle on the tang.  Then shape your handle however you choose.

For a full tang cut two plates of wood slightly bigger than your handle needs to be.  Drill two holes in each plate that line up with the holes in your tang.  You can bolt or rivet the plates to your knife.  Riveting seems to work better.  Then, take a file and or sand paper and sand the plates until they meet smoothly with the steel.

Uh…. Ta da.  If you followed my instructions, you now have a knife that can cut a 1/8 inch gouge in the blade of most other “survival knives”.  Mine can.  But I don’t suggest trying it as it will dull your blade.  Two things to remember about your new knife: one, it will be harder to sharpen than most other knives, but also sharper and harder to dull; secondly, this is not stainless steel so you will actually have to take care of it.  (Gasps!)  So keep the blade oiled and remember, if you take care of it, it will take care of you.

Files are a good choice for a knife because they are made from good high carbon steel.  However, don’t overlook things like mower blades and worn out hand saws. Most any cutting tool can gain a second life as a good knife.

DIY How to build a cheap greenhouse

In this DIY greenhouse tutorial, I'm going teach you how to your own build relatively large (10'x20') greenhouse for about $50. Your prices will vary, but that’s what it cost me to buy everything new. There are many "cheap greenhouses" on the internet, but most are made of PVC, which becomes brittle in the sunlight or are small which, if you are trying to start or maintain a homestead garden, is not likely to meet your needs.  Most require that you already have some of the materials on hand.  (If you already had the materials to build a greenhouse and wanted a greenhouse, I think it's logical to assume that you would have built it instead of looking up cheap greenhouse plans on the web.  But then, I've been wrong before).

So, without further ado…

Materials

6 eight-foot landscape timbers.

200 feet of 550 Para cord.

A spool of twine or string.  You can buy it at the dollar store.

Fence staples as few as you can buy.  You’ll only need a dozen or so

Peel and stick Velcro

10-foot x100-foot roll of clear plastic.  No, it's not “greenhouse plastic”.  I’ve been growing plants under regular plastic for years.  It works just fine. 

10 heavy things you want bury.  These can be anything… rocks, bricks, tree limbs (these will eventually rot), five-gallon buckets filled with dirt.  These can literally be anything, so use whatever you can find.  I once used washing machine parts. It is important to remember that family members are ill-suited for this as they decay rapidly, smell funny, and pollute the water table.

And, drum roll please………. Duct tape.

 

Yeah, we are going to be making a greenhouse out of post and string.  Sound crazy?  Well, it probably is. But the engineering behind it is quite sound, and I assure, you it works.  I learned of this design from illegal marijuana farmers who often hid out in the forests around my childhood home.  (Ah, potheads, they’re like MacGyver …… with nachos).  The beauty of this design is that the shape, size, and materials are by no means set in stone.   But we’ll take more about that later.

 

First, draw a rectangle on the ground 10 feet wide by 20 feet long.  Mark a post hole at the corners of the rectangle and at the center of each of the long sides of rectangle.  Each post should be 10 feet apart forming two squares side by side.

Three post holes on one side should be dug to a depth of 18 inches. Whereas the three post holes on the opposite side will need to be dug to 30 inches.  Once the posts are in the ground, their height should be about 6’6” on one side and 5’6” on the other.  This will give you a slanted roof to shed water.  If you would rather cut three posts off rather than dig those to 30” feel free.  But I would advise against postholes less than 18 inches.  However I know nothing about your soil or your posthole kung fu.  If you wish to use a shallower post, do so at your own risk.

 

Set the post in the ground (duh) as straight as you can and tamp the dirt around it as tightly as possible.

 

Now for the anchors.  Guess what?  You get to dig ten more holes.  Yaay.  For each corner post you are going to need two anchors in line with the edges of the rectangle on the opposing side.  For the two center posts you will need one anchor on the opposite side of the other center post.  (If you have something to use as stakes, feel free to do so.  But make sure they are strong and drive them deep).  Dig your anchor holes at least 18 inches deep about 6 feet away from the post.

 

Tie a length of 550-cord to the anchor of your choice and drop it in the hole, leaving a foot or two of cord above ground. Tie a loop in the above ground end of the cord.   Fill and tamp the crap out of the anchor hole with the original dirt.  Repeat nine mind-numbing times.

 

Now run some 550-cord from your anchor loop across the building over the tops of the post to the anchor loop on the opposite side. Drive the staples into the post enough to keep the cord from sliding off the sides, but not so tightly that you can’t slide the cord back and forth.  Pull the cord as tight as you can, unless you are really big, like me.  Then just pull it as tight as you dare.  Tie the cord to the opposite anchor loop.  Now on three sides of your greenhouse repeat this process, running the cord about half way down the posts using the staples to hold it in place. On the remaining side, whichever side you want your door, run a line of cord from the anchor to the post at a height of about 5 feet, then angling down to the next post.  When finished, each anchor should have two lines running off it.

 

Next, take your builders’ twine and run it in lines about 18 inches apart, tying to the cords and/or the post, leaving an open space to use as a door.  Tie these snugly but not so tight as to deform the cords.

 

Working from the bottom up, start covering your greenhouse with plastic.  Bury the bottom six inches of the plastic in a trench to keep it in place.  Use the duct tape to connect the plastic together.  Also use the tape to attach the plastic to the frame by taping along the cords, overlapping them on to the plastic sheeting.  Be sure to make all your tape connections are inside the greenhouse and thus out of the elements.   Remember, if you feel the need to use more tape, you most likely do.

Finally cut silt vertically in the plastic to use as a door.  Reinforce the edges of the opening with “dum da da daaaaaa” more duct tape.  Use the peel and stick Velcro to close the gap.

 

As I said, the best thing about this design is how flexible it is.  Any material can be substituted for something else that you may have or find cheaper.  For posts, you can use pipe, scrap lumber, trees (standing or fell) an old broken ladder, literally anything straight and fairly strong.  It can be made smaller or larger to suit your needs (and budget).  In the past, I have spanned as much as 21 feet from post to post with cord and you no doubt can too.  But remember, the wider the span, the tighter the cords have to be and thus, the stronger the anchor and post must be.

 

A few considerations.  Most importantly perhaps is drainage and do you have it.  Will the rain and runoff from watering your plants make your greenhouse to sloppy and muddy to use?  If you answered yes, choose another spot.  (Seriously don’t underestimate this one.  I built my first greenhouse in a low spot in my yard.  It rained once and never dried out.  It was miserable to work in and the dead men and elves with luminous eyes were disturbing and mostly unhelpful, but for the one elf who suggested I move my greenhouse 20 feet to higher ground.  I did.  It worked.   Clouds part.  Ray of light.  Angels “Laaaaa”.)

I suggest laying down a layer of mulch to insulate the greenhouse from the “cold, cold ground”. But for me, sadly, it’s not in the budget right now.

If taped properly, your greenhouse will stand up to a surprising amount of wind. I live in hurricane country.  My last greenhouse survived two category ones with only some minor damage before it was killed by a Volkswagen…. Don’t get me started on that.

 

To my knowledge, this is the cheapest way to build a greenhouse, one bigger than a bottle anyway.  I urge you to think long and hard about this design and either built it as is or improve it to suit your needs.

I hope this has helped you in your quest for a budget greenhouse. And I wish you the best of luck using it to grow a homestead garden to feed your family… or to grow weird South American flowers only you care about and take pictures of so you can clog up everyone you’ve ever in your met in your entire life’s Facebook feed.  Whatever you choose, good luck.